Would You Like that SUPERSIZED?

Cross-eyed Joe

http://3d-cross-eyed.blogspot.com/2011/05/3d-cross-eyed-method-best-pictures.html

My first Thanksgiving alone after my  24 year marraige & divorce was quite a day to remember! I had been talking online with a man who had never been married-- because in his words-- he hadn't "found a woman good enough to marry".  He seemed nice but the only picture he had on the dating profile was of him by a lake fishing, donning a khaki fishing hat...no less! The fact that I had never seen his face didn't bother me in the few weeks I had emailed and Instant messeged him because our relationship hadn't really had the romantic theme to it in the short time we had been talking.  It was more like a casual shoot the breeze online friendship. 

    When he found out I was going to be alone for Thanksgiving he said.."Hey I'm planning on eating alone too...why don't we make it a Thanksgiving lunch at Village Inn...just as friends?" I agreed.  He mentioned that it wasn't really a date..just a casual lunch, which was fine with me because I actually have reservations about 40 something men who haven't maintained a marriage or relationship for a significant amount of time...but whatever. What could a  nice Turkey Lunch at Village Inn hurt?  

    When I walked into the restaurant on that cold turkey day, he was waiting in the lobby. I didn't really look at his face with all the first date--err-- excuse me "lunch" jitters.  He immediately smelled what perfume I was wearing & recognized it as Victoria Secret's Love Spell...and he said " OH wow!...LOVE SPELL...this JUST turned into a DATE!!" I wasn't sure what to make of that but something else was bothering me as the hostess escorted us to our table. I brushed the thoughts aside as we walked past the other tables but as soon as we sat down..I said to myself..NO ...it Cant possibly BE!!!!   There we were staring eye to eye finally across the table....or maybe I should say we were staring ...EYES to eye.....MY EYES to HIS ONE EYE.....His other eye was looking over toward the kitchen or somewhere..maybe winking at the waitress to drug my drink or something..who knows!  Yes...its true...HE was CROSS_EYED! I mean not just a little cross-eyed as some people are, But he had a lazy, lazy, cross- cross-eye! 

    As we ordered & ate our meal & talked of computers & dating & jobs...I could not get the fact out of my head that Yes..he really was cross-eyed. I also couldn't bring myself to mention it not only for the fact that it would be rude & tactless (Never stopped me before!) But what if he didn't really realize it? What if his mom made him feel so good about himself that he just couldn't understand why he couldn't find a woman who would look him in the EYE and fall in love with him;) Maybe it was an accident or some kind of disease process."So were you born Cross-eyed or do you even know that you are?"  just didn't sound right.  It may not seem like a big deal to some people  but it was quite a shock after all our conversations! But then again..in all the pre-date questions such as "what's your favorite color?" &..."oh by the way....ARE YOU CROSS-EYED??" just somehow didn't CROSS my mind.....So to speak! lol.  I know you are thinking that I must be some fake boobed, shallow minded women's' libber or something...but I'm really not!  I AM OPEN- MINDED!! I just prefer when kissing someone to have not only their full attention but most if not all of their body parts FOCUSED on me!! Call me selfish I guess!  Also....if I were to say I LOVE YOU...would I have to say it twice every time?   Oh Bill...I love you....and YOU! Oh....the jokes could go on & on....call me evil...but that is the last time I SAW Bill & Bill......But I am reminded of Village Inn Bill every time I see Victoria Secret's love spell bottle.

Pee-Pants Lawyer

One of my first dates after my divorce was from a small online dating site. I started conversing with a young lawyer named Lee. Yes my small town ego was stroked...thinking...see? I am cute enough..skinny enough...smart enough...to get a LAWYER!!  (yes single women -not even desperate single women- do imagine being "with" a man from the very first word...its part of the Cinderella fantasy..."Hmm can I see myself with this guy?? Can he support me financially? emotionally? socially?  spiritually? money wise? Did I mention Financially?"....) Anyway...back to my lawyer story...( I am NOT a gold digger..btw..just to clear that up....I just don't want to have to support a man...:) I am Old fashioned with that double standard!.  

     Ok So Mr Lawyer man seemed sortof goofballish...so it seemed fit that our first date would be at a family fun park playing miniature golf.  The goofballish label turned to wtf? as I was on my way to the park. He called and said, "I couldn't find a babysitter so I wondered if you would mind if I brought my 5 yr old daughter with?" "Um....well sure" I said- not knowing what else to say at this last minute surprise. I was a bit iffish about it, thinking how lame it was. How could we get to know each other with a talkative little girl in our face all day? But by the time I arrived there my motherly side had convinced myself that I was ok with it.. I had kids...

I knew what it was like...and after all we were going to a kids place. So we did the meet and greet out in the parking lot, with little Amanda, yes you guessed it...IN our face the whole time. She was a curious little spitfire....probably wondering why the hell she was meeting women  (every woman? ) that her daddy was 'playing' with. ( fun-park playing).
    After the meet & greet. He popped open his trunk and said "Do you like watches?" I said.."umm sure..." " Good cuz I have a dealer who gets me these good deals on watches ..this one retails at $2000 & i got it for $400...Cool....I thought...an underground goods trafficker disguised as a lawyer! To make a long story short & sorry to disappoint, but no...he didn't give me the watch,.. I think he wanted me to buy it. 
    SO we started out the golf game. See what a good sport I am?  It was ok for about 5 minutes...then Amanda had to go to the bathroom. Well.....is he going to let some strange lady that he just met take his only child into the restroom? Do I WANT the responsibility of taking a LAWYERS child into the bathroom????  No is the answer to both questions....so yes..Mr Lawyer took 5 yr old Amanda into the mens bathroom. ickk. But the killer part happened next....(and yes you guessed it.. THIS IS the theme to this story!) I'm waiting outside the bathroom for them....and I hear endless jabbering coming closer. I look up & there's Lee bouncing out of the bathroom with Amanda on his shoulders. But what caught my eyes was down lower....on his gray dress pants right in the center of the crotch.....ok a little above..(which shows he's at least out there a little- I guess) was a 5 inch circle of .....of..........Noooooooo it cant be.. but it was......A WET SPOT!

My mind rushed to not judge.....well he was probably busy watching her so he didn't want to waste the time to "shake" it off....(DONT YOU GUYS SHAKE IT OFF AFTER??)  Or had he just leaned up against the counter while washing his hands?  Or maybe he took a drink out of the fountain and it all spilled conveniently into his lap....

Well regardless of HOW it happened...truth was....IT was staring me in the face and I had a choice........mention it....(I do have a tendency to do stuff like it...call it tactless...) or try desperately not to notice...( I am  A HORRIBLE ACTOR!)..Of course I did the right thing and ignored it....but it was sort of a deal breaker moment. I mean, I cant believe this guy. the kid, the watch and the spot. I'm  pretty sure I dont want to see him again.  Call me picky and bitchy, but first impressions are HUGE and It was the last straw. Honestly, I don't even remember finishing the golf game . Did I? All I could think of while driving home, was chuckle & wonder how long this guy would end up being single.  But the jokes on my because -karma got me back in the face for that one...as I am still single 3 yrs later.

Free

The dark sky beholds
Many a fluttering drop
Gliding through the air
To meet their final spot

Each one perfectly different
Their shapes transcending the norm
They celebrate their uniqueness
In each of their own form

As the darkness envelopes each snowflake
Its freedom soon to be gone
On the blackened wet earth below
It sings its final song

What beauty each one held
Soon to be forgot
Its majestic intertwined pattern
Is a beauty that cant be bought

Like friends that flutter through our lives
Their memories soon will fade
As their journey takes a different turn
Than the path our lives have made

Some we never knew at all
Others we hoped would see
What wonderment they could bring to us
If they only could be free....

...Leslie Shaw

My Tribute to My Mother

In this beautiful time of spring and newness.

Everywhere I look --I think of you.

I pass your house and see the bland yard
That you used to keep looking so beautiful
I walk into the garden center at the local walmart store and almost stop in my tracks!
The smell of the flowers brings back your memory with vivid thoughts.

The smell of wrigleys spearmint gum and mabelline makeup
along with the smell of those coffin nails that you idolized---make your presence almost undeniable!
I can almost hear you say,
"We better wait just a few more weeks to plant in case it freezes again"
You always seemed to be on the search for a particular flower.

Your last year alive~it was hollyhocks.

We never could find any, so this year Mom -I bought some Hollyhock seeds. Do you think 10 packages are enough? I am dedicating the whole border of my garden to you with them.

I also got the DVD copies back that i made of your life and funeral.

Your boyfriend John Denver sounds great!
I see how you went downhill and suffered.

I'm glad you are free Mom.
Even if it means that I cry when I hear your songs;
Even if it means I have to hold back the tears at Walmart.

Even if it means turning my head the other way when pass your old house.

I am happy because i know you are happy.

You are with your favorite and my favorite person ever....your son and my brother. Your parents are cussing each other and laughing.

And your sweet sister Beth is hearing all about the news from the last 15 years.
Your onery sister Donna is in the corner glaring at everyone!
"I BROUGHT THIS STEW FOR MAMA NOT ANYONE ELSE!"
the phrase that she barked out- which we laughed about for years!
Like we were going to eat it!!!!
I miss your sense of humor which only seemed to be passed on to me and my oldest daughter! How lucky we are to have it!
A part of you.

I hope you enjoy the flowers when they bloom
I miss you MOM. ANd can you please force yourself to tell Dad hello and that I'm so sorry that I didnt give him his blood pressure pill that morning....
Happy Mothers Day..........

My Vision of LOVE

For my very first post...before we get into the funny stuff....I want to share a beautiful excerpt on love... As I  read this I am filled with hope...YES--finally MY VISION OF LOVE!!!.. this is just what I have yearned for-- for years! Could it actually be possible....that feeling? Someone must think so..for if it can be dreamed it can be lived....right? Mr King??  I think of what I have given up over the last few years....I think of what may be in store....the years of wondering, wanting? Or years of contentment and joy. Yes Life is what you make of it....but a dream~~ once dreamt is so hard to put out of your mind.... And all  for something that may not exist??


You say you can make your life whatever you want it to be......Yes ~but you cant force something that isnt meant to be forced....you cant force someone to love you..especially if that someone may not even exist????


Hmmmmmm.....

The Love Chef

Chakric Channeling, Part 4(c):

Alchemical Kinetics

Love is an alchemical reaction

Put the right kind of energy in,

and the reaction releases more energy than you had before

Think of Love like cooking. Cooking is based on chemistry, but the food tastes much better if it is prepared with care..

Likewise, there are chemicals that help make the feeling of Love, but Love needs an alchemical reaction too for true spiritual warmth. Here is a way to understand the alchemy of love..

At its basis, a solitary individual is like a single atom of hydrogen: small, volatile, and easily charged up with energy..



Similarly, a couple in perfect harmonious love is like helium: extremely stable and unreactive with other molecules..



If we lived in early biblical times, the chemistry of successful relationships would be that simple! However the modern world is more complicated. Couples do not exist in isolation, but are surrounded by other couples and other social structures. Some lovers are successful in isolating themselves from society and external forces which put tension on the relationship. But the effort to do so can be immense..

True, 'fairytale marriages' do exist. Robin Lee Graham may be one of the few people in the modern world who has a fairytale marriage. He left home at the age of 16 to sail around the globe in a 24-foot yacht. There is an autobiography and docudrama film about it..



It took almost two years. On the island of Fiji, he met Patti Ratterree. They fell in love and soon married. After the romantic meeting on an extremely challenging adventure, they had some trouble later settling into civilization. to recapture the adventure, they moved to Alaska and built a log cabin. Apparently the pioneering worked for them, and they now are Grandparents in Montana..



But for most of us in the modern world, the recipe for eternal love is not so simple. Oh, we may feel like we're in a boat all alone in the ocean, weathering a dangerous storm; but Robin Graham had a port where there was safety and a romantic beach to meet the love of his life, after being totally alone at sea. For the rest of us, we are surrounded by complicated world problems and relationships from which there is rarely a safe port of call, and creating the unique relationship which lasts a lifetime takes much more effort to find. So cooking up the perfect relationship gets more complicated! We need to put real effort into making the relationship special..



Making a long-lasting relationship is more like cooking than chemistry.





Energy (like from a stove) helps, but it needs some loving energy put in~it's the love that makes the result more palatable. Nevertheless at its basis, love is an alchemical reaction..

To fall in love (the love known as eros), one person may be more like the metal sodium, and the other more like chlorine. Mix them together with a little water, and it makes sodium chloride - salt - the basis of all life. When we meet another person and salt forms immediately, it can be an explosive experience-jast as when mixing sodium and chlorine to make salt..



But sometimes there is not enough salt from the initial encounter for the relationship to survive. From an alchemical perspective, our personalities are in continual flux, so the spiritual chemistry may not be perfect at the time we meet the other person. Just as in cooking and chemistry, we have to put more energy into the relationship to make the chemistry work. Sometimes another person can act as a catalyst. Sometimes we need jostling souls around us to push us together by a kind of 'Brownian motion' (when particles bump into each other and move each other around in an apparently random pattern) so that the reaction can happen..



That's what can happen at a dance, for example. It can happen in any place where there are many people. But from an alchemical point of view, the forces 'moving' us are not really physical and motion is not really spatial. Rather, we are being moved by the emotional energies around us, so being in a place with people who care about us matters more than large amounts of physical movement (the physical movement can help too, but it is not so important).





And, the people should be happy too!



A small number of people who care alot are much better than a larged number of people who care relatively little..

We also have to put our own energy a relationship. But again, the energy is more spiritual than physical (although the physical effort matters too). For example, we need to demonstrate we are willing to make effort for the other person; respect the other person; do things they like which we might not like; and keep our promises. If there is such strengths in our own intention, then the spiritual bond is also strong, and the love is enduring..

If our intention is weak, then the relationship can break down. When the alchemical connection starts to break down, we experience the weakening bond as pain. Moreover, the chemistry of our spirit changes, and it becomes more difficult for us to form a spiritual connection again, sometimes for a long time. It is important to value the early connections in life, as they are the most durable and persistent..

When the bond is forming, for a while there is an 'emotional honeymoon,' during which the relationship releases far more energy than either person had at the start. This intoxicating experience, usually up to two years in length, is so intense that sometimes people believe that the relationship ends when the emotional honeymoon ends. However, if the partners put the right energies into the initial reaction, then a deeper and more lasting love emerges after the fading of the initial intoxication. This deeper love fulfills and perpetuates.





This deeper love is the fundament of alchemy, whose objective is to find the philosoophers stone that turns the heavy lead of base life into the gold of eternal joy. Would that we all could know such joy each day the sun rises, and at night sleep knowing it is there for us always..

E L Meyer






Music: Lord of the Rings, Evenstar - Enya






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